Sorting the Chaos

Chaos is a big topic with me, I guess because I feel like I have lived my entire life within a state of chaos. The byproduct of my ADD multiplied by my personaltiy, complicated with a bit of OCD on the side.

How do you sort your Chaos... I imagine the movie "For the Love of the Game" with Kevin Costner as he stands on the Picthers mound and he "Clears the mechanism" the method he uses to tune out and sort all of the chaos.

I believe that chaos is what stands in our way. It keeps up from thinking, it keeps us from producing, it keeps us from loving...

The Chaos that porn creates keeps us from trully loving, we get lost in the shroud of chaos called lust... At work we overload ourselves with projects and deadlines and business. Yes these are (or can be) part of our job... But our productuvuty gets burried in clutterd chaos of business. When I get home, and the TV is going, and all the lights are on, and all 4 kids are talking and both computers are going with games and movies and noise, there are dishes to do and lawns to be mowed and things to be fixed... And my family gets lost in the eruption of chaos...

I have three main ways I deal with the Chaos:

One - the internal chaos of my mind. I have to start by reducing the visual clutter, the more colors and angles and stuff in my world the more clutter their is in my head. Thoughts begin to overlap and messages get confused... imagine doing your homework in the mall food court at lunchtime... AsI reduce the visual clutter, for each thing I put away I file something or get something out of my head...

two - the business of my life. Hunting. I go and i sit, a single purpose, a single thought. All of the sounds are about listening, waiting. The cold air brings you home... nothing else matters... Its about waiting not about doing... as I do this, as I sit it no longer matter what is now and what is later, so I sit and one by one I read all of my internal mail and I clear out my lists.

three - writing. So many time I think that this blog shows me as a sad worried overwelmed person. And at times thats exactly who I am . But the truth of the matter is that so often God speaks to me when I write, as I type my questions I find that I know the answer before I even finish typing, and as I tell of how all hope is lost, by the time I am done I have abandonded my self pity and know that my hope is in things eternal and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...

It was a long day, but the night has come, and I am still here. Tomorrow the sun will rise and God expects us to be the best... Because he knows we can be.

I do not know how the bills will get paid, I do not know how I am going to get everything done, I don't know how I will ever trully overcome addiction, but I do know that My father loves me deeply and a) he expects me to give it my very best and b) he knows I am going to fail and when I do he will pick me up and set me back on my path.

Goal #1 write a happy blog...