Now what?

I have reached a moment when I know not what to do next. Lets compare life to running a race, or in the terms the bible uses running the good race.

I coach track so this is an easy analysis for me. But what do you do when you have run out of hope.

I work with high school students every day and I ask them to give me more, to go above and beyond. I don't even ask for their best I just ask them to give me better than they gave me last time, and I know that eventually their best will come out. When I turn to track I watch runners that hit their limit, they cannot physically run any faster, and I have wtched runners hit the wall when they literally can not run any farther. I have see atheletes get hurt and watched them struggle to keep going with their bodies screaming at them to quit and yet they fight on.

They want, no the need to finish the race.

For the first time in my life I am truely great at something and I have given my everything to it... and yet I fall farther behind. I ask myself the same questions that I ask my students... "Have you done your best," "Do you have anything left," "Can you make it better." But when I ask those questions of them I know where they end is, and in many cases they run with the finish line in sight. They are fighting for something that is real.

I am not out of energy, I have not given it my all. I know that I have more to give and that there is plenty of great things left for me to do... But why? How long does the rat keep running the maze before it realizes there is no way out of the maze.

Each month I get farther into a hole that I see no way out of. And the only solutions that I see make the hole bigger not smaller. How do I change this without sacrificing my family.

I know that life is not about money and things, but sadly we live in a world where without money you do not survive.

It was a long day. I find myself begging God for a way out of this hole. I'm sure the answer will find me, they usually do... but that is another post, another time...

Toes in the water, toes in the sand... life was good today, life was good today... If for no other reason than because I got to live it.