Fasting to refocus

In the past I have always paid attention at church when others have had times of fasting. For most of my life I have been on different types of medication and have always used my medication as a justification for NOT fasting. Maintaining that if I didn't eat my meds would make me sick.

As we approach the holidays and money seems tighter than it ever has, I have felt a sense of disconnect from GOD and those arround me. This is compounded by numerous little things that have been going on in mine and my families lives.

Earlier this week I proposed to a couple of my friends a FAST. I'm not sure what gave me the idea or even why I picked the arrangement that I did. I asked them to join me but even if they didn't just to keep me in their prayers. The terms that I set up for this time of reflection was to begin at sunrise on Thursday and go to sunset on Friday. I'm not sure what I was hoping for, or even what it was that I am missing in my life. Even now as the sun has set, I find myself wondering if I accomplished anything other than making myself hungry.

The main two things that came to me as I sat and pondered: One, I allow way too many things to come between me and GOD... all the little compromises that we make each day just to stop the yelling, so peopl will stop whining... each time we give up a little of ourselves and a little of our relationship with GOD... The second thing that I came to understand or at least see a little more clearly is the concept of change.

There are many things in my life as of late that I wish I could change about myself and I get so discouraged when I slip back into old habits or make descisions that I know are contrary to what GOD wants in my life. But what I came to see in the last two days is that is what not one decesion that got me where I am, but rather many little choices that have caused me to evolve into what I am and I can't revert years of behavior with a single momentary choice to be good... Rather it is only through years of making the right choices that I can over come the years of bad choices that I have been making.