The biggest lie you were ever told....

I just had a conversation with a dear friend who asked me if I would come talk to her daughter about taking medication for ADD. I don't know the whole story only that she has been on medication in the past, and has decided that she does not want to take it anymore...

I have been on medication for ADD since my sophmore year of college. A few years ago I started having liver problems and in an attempt to give my body time to heal itself I was taken off all of my ADD meds... we went 3 months without making a house payment... we had the money, I just forgot to write the check. I had never had to be an adult off of medication and I was not prepared for it... needless to say I am back on medication...

But back to the original request... And my side bar...

I understand, or at least I think I understand what this youg lady is feeling. Why do I have to take medication to be normal???

None of us what it pointed out that we are not normal, we want our lives to be exactly like everyone elses. In many ways I think we all do it. We want to know why our lives are so much harder than everyone elses. We assume that we are the only one struggling, or the only one that is affraid... that we are the only one that "fill in the blank".

THE TRUTH IS YOU ARE NOT NORMAL!!!!

The biggest lie that any of us are ever told is that we are normal. For the better part of my life I told people that I had voices in my head, Not like the insane "I har voices", but just that there were conversations in my head... ALWAYS. THe response, oh that's normal. Everybody thinks to themselves, or everybody talks to themselves at some point. The first time I ever took ritilin I sat in my room at colleg and cried... I turned off every piece of electronics and for the first time in my life I actually heard silence. The thought that went through my head... "So this is normal."

For many of you that previous statement makes no since what-so-ever... For others you know exactly what I mean.

I have heard people tell me that they don't want to be dependant on medication... diabetics, ADD, depression... alone, no friends, no body would understand me...

Consider these two statments...
EVERYBODY IS DIFFERENT
I WANT TO BE NORMAL

Conclusion: Your life sucks, deal with it. You're not normal, deal with it.

Medication makes my life easier. It does not make me normal. No thing, no force on earth could ever make me normal, nor do I want it to. I am really good at what I do because I am not like everbody else.

The biggest lie that you were ever told: IS THAT IT ISPOSSIBLE TO BE NORMAL.

you are you. I can never understand what it means to be you. I can never be black, I can never understand what it means to be black and even if I could make myself black I would still not feel and see the same things that an african-american sees and feels. We often say that "to walk a mile in somebody's shoes" ALthoug I agree this can help us to sympathize or empathize, we still don't understand exactly what somebody else felt.

Truth is relative. There is no normal, there is only chaos. Each one of us has to learn to deal with chaos as only we can. It's called growing up.

Seek out weirdness, strive to be different, look for those ways that make you YOU. Because only you can.

Exclamation points and question marks

As with the beginning of each new year we, or at least I, begin to question all the things in our life that we want to change. In truth the first day of the new year is just another day in our lives no different than the one boefore or the one after it. Yet, it symbolizes an opportunity to start over, to change all those things that we meant to do last year and never got around to.

Loosing weight, getting in shape, making old contacts, finishing a book... the possibilities for a new year are endless.

For me, as I contimplate this next year a couple of unrelated ideas have been on my mind that have finnally melded into one genreal idea and concept for the year.

#1 - We are broke, we have got to find some source of additional income, and time is limited, between teaching and coaching and four kids its going to be tough to find an additional source of income.

#2 - I have started to get back into reading (don't know why I ever quit) but as I have I have had a stronger and stronger desire to start writing again (both this blog and to finish my novel - which is on year four now...)

#3 - the overwheliming idea that my life is full of questions...

My overall conclusion and guiding force for this year is to live this year as an exclamation point and not a question mark. When I leave this world, whether tomorrow or 60 years from now I want my life to have been an " I DID !!!" not an overwhelming question mark of " WHAT IF ????"

Could I, Should I.... Yes I can and I should, and so should you. Make this year abour doing. I have decided that I would rather have this blow up in my face at the potential of success than sit around just guessing.

So - Mondays will be blogging day.... Tuesdays and Thursdays will be writing day... Get ready because I am about to explode and I am taking the rest of you with me.

The 4th Ahhh Haaa

THere have been several times in my life that I call AhhhHaaa moments. I can only really describe these moments as "God Spoke to me" I have never actually heard his voice... they happen something like this...

I talk to myself, quite often and sometimes quite loudly. I also talk to God, I sometimes talk to Orion (The constalation), sometimes I talk to the moon. I talk to Jesus and the Spirit. I have even beem know to talk to lost relatives. And oh yes, I talk to plants and animals.

Most of these conversations are me working the clutter and chaos out of my head, and often as I do I am posing questions or summing my life up in analogies. If I can create an analogy it makes it easier to get it out of my head. Most of the time I find myself asking questions that I have no way of kowing the answer to... which brings me to my 3 Ahhh Haaa's. A few times as I have been having my talks with God I have possed a question that even before I have finished asking I just know the answer. THere is no doubt, there is no reasking, there is just a peace that I know the answer... I think I have blooged about these before so I won't go into detail, but in a nutshell:

#1 - Dear God I am in over my head, I am drowning and I can not do this;
"No your not, the water is only knee deep. Just stand up and quit atcing like a baby."

#2 - I can not get out of this hole, there is no way that I can survive this and nothing that I am doing is getting me closer. I'm working my tail off and things are just getting worse.
"Andy, if you really want to get out of the hole you need to let go of the shovel, step away from the shovel, quit digging, oh for Pete's sake would you put down the shovel already."

#3 - Dear God I am so tired of the whinning, my kids are whinning, every body at work is whinning, the bank wants their money, I'm behind on my grades... the is rediculous, no body should be asked to do this, my wife just keeps naggin and nagging...
"Andy, would you please stop whinning."

Which brings me to the 4th Ahhh Haaa.

Lately things have been getting very stressful as I imagine they are for most of the country if not a large part of the world. And I think like many people I have been flooding the airwaves with prayer after prayer. Prayers of need, prayers of request, prayers of anger and doubt... and the good ones too. Prayers of thanks and prayers of love... But I have been getting discouraged as of late as it seems that so many of my prayers are not being answered. It has even seemed that I'm not even getting no's. I'm feel like I'm getting the I'm sorry all lines are busy please call back later. Over the last few days I have even started to share with God that I am having doubts. I am doubting him, I am doubting myself. If God answeres the prayers of righteous men does that mean that I am not righteous...

And as I got into the car this morning I possed my question one more time, "God why have you started ignoring me... why are you not answering my prayers.

"Andy, which prayer would you like for me to answer. You prayed that you would give up everything in your life if you could just be great at something, and I have made you a teacher. You prayed that I would make you humble and I have given you many opportunities for humility. You prayed that I not make you rich because you didn't think you could handle it and I have given you just enough. You prayed that everything would be allright, that your kids would be healty, that I would guide you and lead you. What is it exactly that you have prayed for that I have not given you. Would you please begin specifying which prayers you would like for me to answer and which prayers you would like for me to ignore."

I find myself humbled, and encouraged. I may not have everything I want. But I have everything I need. And when you get right down to it... I have most everything I want too.

It was a long day, but it was a good day.