I often hear people talk about how we are like puzzles and how we feel incomplete when we are missing a piece. I'm not sure that I completly agree with the picture. I think that the events of today have made me ponder the life of the puzzle piece. What would it be like to be a single puzzle piece...
One could argue that a single puzzle piece has infinite possibilities, that it could be anything in the world. And yet, I think, that one single puzzle piece is void of all meaning... it is not the pieces that define the puzzle... it is the puzzle that defines the pieces. It is the picture that tells us what we are. Without a place in the world, without a purpose we are lost and often hopeless. What makes a really good puzzle is one that has only one solution, it only works when all the pieces are there. But without the puzzle the pieces have no purpose.
Words are often defined by the context of the sentence, a wide reciever can only function as part of a team...
I think many of us wander this world as a puzzle piece discarded from the box... we move from box to box looking for that puzzle that we are a part of, the puzzle is not complete because of us but it is only complete because we are there.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Off by a day
Ok so I am off by a day... I apolopgize to the two people that read this. I reached a point where I just didn't feel like the things I had to say needed to be said.
But in truth if I don't say them they just seem to pile up in my head and I begin to loose what sanity I have left.
I posted that I would start writing again on the 15th and here it is the 16th and no new posts... so here it comes...
I may have posted on this before I need to go back and read - but even so it has taken on a whole new meaning as of late...
I believe that the true power of the Spirit is not to take away the....
well ok... so five hours after I started this, not my network will let me finish it. I guess it was self prophecy...
So as I was saying, I believe that the true power of the Spirit is not to make the chaos peacful, rather the true power of the Spirit is to allow me to be at peace in the midst of chaos. When Christ was on the boat in the storm with his disciples he was peacefully asleep. When they woke him in fear they needed him to calm the storm, which he did. In addition he rebuked them for their lack of faith. I always assumed that he was rebuking them because they doubted that he could calm the storm... I have come to believe that he was rebuking them for needing the storm to be calmed. It was their lack of faith that God would not let them sink. My life has been in chaos as of late and I have found myself begging God to calm the storms and I have found myself angry with God when he doesn't...
But when I stop and pray and listen... I can hear God saying, it's only a storm I will not let you sink. And I can find peace in the chaos knowing that it is only chaos... it is merely noise that must be tuned out.
I pray that all who read this may find peace, our world will never be peacful, yet the Spirit will let us be at peace in God. Relish in this peace, seek it always...
But in truth if I don't say them they just seem to pile up in my head and I begin to loose what sanity I have left.
I posted that I would start writing again on the 15th and here it is the 16th and no new posts... so here it comes...
I may have posted on this before I need to go back and read - but even so it has taken on a whole new meaning as of late...
I believe that the true power of the Spirit is not to take away the....
well ok... so five hours after I started this, not my network will let me finish it. I guess it was self prophecy...
So as I was saying, I believe that the true power of the Spirit is not to make the chaos peacful, rather the true power of the Spirit is to allow me to be at peace in the midst of chaos. When Christ was on the boat in the storm with his disciples he was peacefully asleep. When they woke him in fear they needed him to calm the storm, which he did. In addition he rebuked them for their lack of faith. I always assumed that he was rebuking them because they doubted that he could calm the storm... I have come to believe that he was rebuking them for needing the storm to be calmed. It was their lack of faith that God would not let them sink. My life has been in chaos as of late and I have found myself begging God to calm the storms and I have found myself angry with God when he doesn't...
But when I stop and pray and listen... I can hear God saying, it's only a storm I will not let you sink. And I can find peace in the chaos knowing that it is only chaos... it is merely noise that must be tuned out.
I pray that all who read this may find peace, our world will never be peacful, yet the Spirit will let us be at peace in God. Relish in this peace, seek it always...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Two Worlds, one servant, 100 masters
I can not worship two gods and yet I live in two worlds, One is a world where all is as it should be the other is a world where all is as I would like it to be.
I look to my wife for support and love ; She is my completion, she is everything that I need want and am. On the flip side, she is a distraction, a weight, a secret to forget. In my life I want power and Humility. I want speed and power, and I want patience. I want to have it all, and I want to give it all away.
I live in two worlds of constant conflict.
I see many women as a chance to explore, flirt, be daring. They make me feel important, desired, like a King. And I fear the thing in life that could harm them and take them away. I want to protect them. But I want to honor my wife.
And yet they are so beautiful.
I can’t wait to teach my kids to be the man that I never was, I can’t stand the children that I am raising them to be. I want to run and play and make it all about ME time, and yet when I look in their eyes and I would die for us time. I would lay down my life to save my family. And instead I lay it down to throw them away.
How can I be a dreamer, a cynic, a realist an optimist, a pessimist, and idealist and an addict?
Two worlds, one mind, two realities both based in fiction, the real world lies with God the lord and king.
My addiction does not trap me in a false reality; it traps me in a real one. My addiction makes me angry, detached and uninterested in the relationships at home I am trapped in a nondescript prison by walls that are made out of apathy.
I flirt with other women because it makes me feel good. I wonder if they would have sex with me, I know that I could… Sometimes COULD is so much stronger than WOULD.
Would has no risk no adventure, with could there is always the chance that you won’t
So in a world where my wife means everything to me, why would I even consider if I could...
Because in this moment, the two worlds are one, and I exist in both. I do not consider her feelings because it has nothing to do with her… this is about me
And in the other world, I am greatful that I do not see if I can turn could into did... I could not stand to watch her struggle with where I am and who I am with.
I can not worship two GODS… and yet I serve so many masters…
I serve my Wife…
I serve my children…
I serve my job…
I serve my co-workers…
I serve my friends…
I serve my family…
I serve my self…
I serve my addiction…
SO when exactly am I supposed to serve God?
This all powerful and mighty God, where is he in my world, do I have to go to his world to find him. I look around and he is not here, he is not at home, he is not at work, and I often wonder if he is even at church.
Where is this God that I am supposed to serve?
I seek guidance and the manual shows up in Greek?
I pray for a man who speaks Greek and the guy that show up can read every word but can’t speak English. I finally get someone that can translate it for me, but its not the book I needed.
I pray for guidance and a wise man shows up and tells me how I can use the original book it just has to read upside-down and backwards while reciting your ABC’s
Where is this God that I am supposed to serve?
I pray for money to pay my bills so that we don’t have to ask for help from my parents. God blesses us with an amazing turn out for a garage sale, where we fight with my parents over who should get the money, Did I mention they give more money to church in a year than I make in a year… and they would mention that we could pay our bills if we didn’t eat out and do so many extra fun activities.
Where is this God I am supposed to serve?
I pray for security and prosperity… I can’t keep my rentals rented, I had to sell them to my dad to just stay a float, and the ones that stay rented are constantly breaking and I have no money to fix them.
So now not only am I ruining my life but those that I put up in houses as well.
Where is this God that I am supposed to serve?
The prayers of Jabez, the prayers of Abraham, the prayers of Moses, the Prayer of Christ. Who am I to pray with these men…
I have learned to pray from my daughter… we all hold hands we bow our heads and she says, “AMEN”. We all look up and wait for a minute for her to decide if we all meant it, which we didn’t… So we all bow our heads again and she says, “AMEN!”… she looks up again and of course this time we are all covered.
But wouldn’t it b great if that was in fact my prayer, “So Be It!”
And I let it go.
If I could look at my life and say, "Yp God it is was it is, and although its not what I’d like it to be, it’s not what it could be… so , “AMEN”
I don’t know how to serve one GOD, one master… My life is one big adventure in butt-kissing. I work the crowd, not like a politician, but I have made an art form of seeing how far the rules will bend. And how to handle it when they occasionally break.
How does a man like that serve GOD?
I don’t know how to be anything different than what I am… for that matter I’m not even sure what I am…
This started off to be an addicts prayer and has turned into a pontification on the art of not serving God while struggling to figure out just what the heck that means.
Just another by-line for the Pontificating Fool, the Face book Profit, the Cheap seat Philosopher.
Stealing a line from the movie Rudy…
“I know two things beyond any shadow of a doubt; there is a God, and I’m not him.”
I know that there is a God, and I know that I used to have an amazing relationship with him. I have never lived a life of conviction, I am living proof that you can have tremendous faith with out conviction I am much like an honest man in the presidency well intentioned, and highly ineffective.
I want to better serve GOD, I am tired of serving my two worlds only to find that the pot at the end of the rainbow isn’t even in either one of these worlds… its sitting at the feet of God and to get there I must bow down before him.
And now I’ll pray
Dear Lord, my God, my Father, my King,… my Friend. I am torn between all the things that I “know” that I have to be doing to make this life work. My obligation to my wife and family, the bills, the job. I wish that I could give you my first fruits, but I gave them away so long ago that I can not get them back and what little I have left is not worthy to lie before your feet. How am I supposed to give you my best, when I have given everything I have to everyone around me. All I have left is time, and I have given most of that to my career, my wife and my kids. I ask you for so much and I offer so little. I pray lord that you will lift me up and bless what little I have left and make it a mighty praise unto you. Take my fish, and bread small may they be… take them and bless them that I may flourish in you. Help me Lord to take what little I have left (time, money, energy) help me to take these things and honor and glorify you, not with my “first fruits” but with ALL THAT I HAVE.
Amen
I look to my wife for support and love ; She is my completion, she is everything that I need want and am. On the flip side, she is a distraction, a weight, a secret to forget. In my life I want power and Humility. I want speed and power, and I want patience. I want to have it all, and I want to give it all away.
I live in two worlds of constant conflict.
I see many women as a chance to explore, flirt, be daring. They make me feel important, desired, like a King. And I fear the thing in life that could harm them and take them away. I want to protect them. But I want to honor my wife.
And yet they are so beautiful.
I can’t wait to teach my kids to be the man that I never was, I can’t stand the children that I am raising them to be. I want to run and play and make it all about ME time, and yet when I look in their eyes and I would die for us time. I would lay down my life to save my family. And instead I lay it down to throw them away.
How can I be a dreamer, a cynic, a realist an optimist, a pessimist, and idealist and an addict?
Two worlds, one mind, two realities both based in fiction, the real world lies with God the lord and king.
My addiction does not trap me in a false reality; it traps me in a real one. My addiction makes me angry, detached and uninterested in the relationships at home I am trapped in a nondescript prison by walls that are made out of apathy.
I flirt with other women because it makes me feel good. I wonder if they would have sex with me, I know that I could… Sometimes COULD is so much stronger than WOULD.
Would has no risk no adventure, with could there is always the chance that you won’t
So in a world where my wife means everything to me, why would I even consider if I could...
Because in this moment, the two worlds are one, and I exist in both. I do not consider her feelings because it has nothing to do with her… this is about me
And in the other world, I am greatful that I do not see if I can turn could into did... I could not stand to watch her struggle with where I am and who I am with.
I can not worship two GODS… and yet I serve so many masters…
I serve my Wife…
I serve my children…
I serve my job…
I serve my co-workers…
I serve my friends…
I serve my family…
I serve my self…
I serve my addiction…
SO when exactly am I supposed to serve God?
This all powerful and mighty God, where is he in my world, do I have to go to his world to find him. I look around and he is not here, he is not at home, he is not at work, and I often wonder if he is even at church.
Where is this God that I am supposed to serve?
I seek guidance and the manual shows up in Greek?
I pray for a man who speaks Greek and the guy that show up can read every word but can’t speak English. I finally get someone that can translate it for me, but its not the book I needed.
I pray for guidance and a wise man shows up and tells me how I can use the original book it just has to read upside-down and backwards while reciting your ABC’s
Where is this God that I am supposed to serve?
I pray for money to pay my bills so that we don’t have to ask for help from my parents. God blesses us with an amazing turn out for a garage sale, where we fight with my parents over who should get the money, Did I mention they give more money to church in a year than I make in a year… and they would mention that we could pay our bills if we didn’t eat out and do so many extra fun activities.
Where is this God I am supposed to serve?
I pray for security and prosperity… I can’t keep my rentals rented, I had to sell them to my dad to just stay a float, and the ones that stay rented are constantly breaking and I have no money to fix them.
So now not only am I ruining my life but those that I put up in houses as well.
Where is this God that I am supposed to serve?
The prayers of Jabez, the prayers of Abraham, the prayers of Moses, the Prayer of Christ. Who am I to pray with these men…
I have learned to pray from my daughter… we all hold hands we bow our heads and she says, “AMEN”. We all look up and wait for a minute for her to decide if we all meant it, which we didn’t… So we all bow our heads again and she says, “AMEN!”… she looks up again and of course this time we are all covered.
But wouldn’t it b great if that was in fact my prayer, “So Be It!”
And I let it go.
If I could look at my life and say, "Yp God it is was it is, and although its not what I’d like it to be, it’s not what it could be… so , “AMEN”
I don’t know how to serve one GOD, one master… My life is one big adventure in butt-kissing. I work the crowd, not like a politician, but I have made an art form of seeing how far the rules will bend. And how to handle it when they occasionally break.
How does a man like that serve GOD?
I don’t know how to be anything different than what I am… for that matter I’m not even sure what I am…
This started off to be an addicts prayer and has turned into a pontification on the art of not serving God while struggling to figure out just what the heck that means.
Just another by-line for the Pontificating Fool, the Face book Profit, the Cheap seat Philosopher.
Stealing a line from the movie Rudy…
“I know two things beyond any shadow of a doubt; there is a God, and I’m not him.”
I know that there is a God, and I know that I used to have an amazing relationship with him. I have never lived a life of conviction, I am living proof that you can have tremendous faith with out conviction I am much like an honest man in the presidency well intentioned, and highly ineffective.
I want to better serve GOD, I am tired of serving my two worlds only to find that the pot at the end of the rainbow isn’t even in either one of these worlds… its sitting at the feet of God and to get there I must bow down before him.
And now I’ll pray
Dear Lord, my God, my Father, my King,… my Friend. I am torn between all the things that I “know” that I have to be doing to make this life work. My obligation to my wife and family, the bills, the job. I wish that I could give you my first fruits, but I gave them away so long ago that I can not get them back and what little I have left is not worthy to lie before your feet. How am I supposed to give you my best, when I have given everything I have to everyone around me. All I have left is time, and I have given most of that to my career, my wife and my kids. I ask you for so much and I offer so little. I pray lord that you will lift me up and bless what little I have left and make it a mighty praise unto you. Take my fish, and bread small may they be… take them and bless them that I may flourish in you. Help me Lord to take what little I have left (time, money, energy) help me to take these things and honor and glorify you, not with my “first fruits” but with ALL THAT I HAVE.
Amen
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